15. The people in the pew in front of you in church are old, Italian ladies no taller than 4 feet.

14. There are no “pure bred” people within a 10-mile radius. There are mixes of at least three different ethnic groups, and the accents and expanded way of speaking that goes with it. ( I myself am ½ Chinese, ¼ Italian, and somewhere in the mix are German, Austrian, Polish and Norwegian.)

13. Men reminiscent of the 70’s walk around decked out in their leisure suits with the top three buttons undone to show off their sparse chest hair, platform shoes, and star sign necklaces, along with the complementary slicked back hair and mood ring.

12. The parks have bocce ball courts in them.

11. You know at least one girl that goes to Bishop Kearney.

10. Big hair apparently never went out of style (in accordance with number 9).

9. The amount of dangerous sunlight because the ozone layer was depleted due to an overdose of hair-spray use.

8. You always know when Sunday rolls around, because of the mouth-watering aromas filtering out of the windows of Italian grandmas.

7. There’s a coffee shop or gelato store on every other corner; sometimes in a row.

6. At the sound of a backfiring car, at least one person ducks for cover.

5. You can’t walk down the street without people coming up to you and pinching your checks, with the usual “I knew you when you were this (indicates size with hand) big”.

4. Figurative hand gestures are used when behind the wheel of a car.

3. The customary greeting is a nod and a guttural "How you doin'?"

2. The infamous accent of course.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY OF KNOWING THAT YOU’RE IN BROOKLYN IS...

1. There are at least 10 Joeys on your block.

Other forms that are acceptable are Joe, Joseph, Joe Jr., Guissepe and an occasional Josephine or Josepina.

by Victoria De Meo, a Brooklynite who fears for her life and wishes no adverse feelings towards herself from anyone who disagrees with her writing. Miss De Meo wishes that her family and friends would not make a big deal of this or blow it out of proportion. Save it for when she wins the nobel peace prize in her second year as president. Enough is enough people, lighten up.