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Impress your friends with these facts...
This week our tireless leader in boundary-breaking humor writing takes a break from making funny stuff up and, unlike your parents, actually speaks the truth in a new feature that we like to call…
RANDOMLY SICKENING AND
POSSIBLY DISGUSTING BUT
UNFORTUNATELY TRUE FACTS ABOUT FOOD
Your friend and mine because I’m a friend of me, Danny Gallagher, has scoured the web, the libraries and even your own backyard for strange but true and gross things you might want to know about the things we eat if you’re anorexic and are tired of having to do the work yourself to vomit up breakfast. (And since I’m priding myself on telling the truth, I “tirelessly” researched these facts by searching “gross food facts” at Yahoo.)
MCDONALD’S MILKSHAKES COME WITH SURPRISE, FREE OF CHARGE
In addition to containing vanilla ice cream, low fat milk, sugar or Nestle’s Quick chocolate powder, McDonald’s milkshakes also contains seaweed in the form an extract called “carrageenan.” This very secret ingredient acts as an emulsifier, which makes the shake thicker by keeping the butterfat from thinning and separating out of the mix.(Got kelp?)
AFGHANI DRINK, ‘KHOONA,’ CONTAINS INTERESTING APHRODISIAC
Afghani tribesmen received the unofficial record for worst drink ever thanks to a concoction known as “Khoona.” It is an alcoholic beverage traditionally drunken by men on their wedding night, which contains a key ingredient –recently extracted bull semen. They drink this because the bull semen is believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac. (Just a thought, do they drink it out of a highball glass?)
MAN’S BEST FRIEND MY ASS, NO DOWN FIDO! DOWN!
According to renowned columnist of The Straight Dope Cecil Adams, pets will and do turn on their owners after they have died to try and eat the body after it has been left there for an extended period of time. Adams learned the unfortunate fact after attending the American Academy of Forensic Sciences Convention in 1992 in New Orleans (that’s my hometown, and yes I’m proud to know that’s where the dead body scientists meet each year), owners have been found mutilated by their pets days after they’ve passed away when no one noticed that the body was there because the pet had gone days without being fed.(“KIBBLES AND BITS AND BITS AND BITS” IS PEOPLE!!!)
PROPYLENE GLYCOL KEEPS SALADS TASTY AND CARS WARM
There's a chemical called “propylene glycol,” which is found in most fast food restaurants’ salad dressings in order to maintain moisture. The chemical, however, also comes with cautions and warnings that it may cause skin and eye irritation if exposed to the human body, is more commonly used as “Sierra Anti Freeze” coolant for cars, and is also found in Astroglide Sexual Lubricant.
(This certainly brings a whole new meaning to “getting your salad tossed.”) |
