DANNY: Well, the moment has finally arrived. After spending the last few days analyzing all of the questions, we've narrowed the final list down to five and only five making this one of the only, definitive moments in modern history that the Man upstairs has taken time out of his busy schedule to speak with anyone, and that's why we're all the more honored to have Him here today. God, thanks for joining us.

GOD: Hey, my pleasure, buddy. It's an honor to be here. Hell, it's an honor to be…everywhere. I'm omniscient.

DANNY: Really, is that true? I've always heard that before, but are you truly omniscient? Do you really have the ability to be everywhere at anyone time?

GOD: Of course, in fact while I'm talking to you, I'm getting my nails done in Taiwan at one of those fancy, shmancy Oriental parlor places. And by the by, what you just asked me was technically question numero uno…that means four more to go, Chaco.

DANNY: Oh crap, uh, well, let's just go to the questions then, shall we?

GOD: Sure thing, let's kick this pig, Hoss.

QUESTION #2: How come my parents favor my brother?
- From neuromop

GOD: Well, well, well. Here I am, the creator of all living things in this entire frigging universe willing to share an infinite universe of knowledge and the secrets of all existence and this little yahoo wants to know why their parents always gave his brother the last pudding pop? Awww, and we wonder why the world's priorities are all screwed up. Oh well, a question's a question, I guess.

DANNY: So does this mean that you're not going to answer it?

GOD: No, no, I never said that. Well, uh, neuromop. Geez, what a stupid name. "Hey everyone, my name's electronbroom. Look at me! Look at me!" Anyway, I'd say the real reason you brother gets all the special treatment is because of one simple thing that money can't buy.

DANNY: What would that be? Unconditional love? Respect?

GOD: Money.

DANNY: Money, God?

GOD: Yeah, money. He bribes his parents for that extra edge.

DANNY: But when you said, "something that money can't buy," I thought you meant something emotional or beyond the value of tangible possessions?

GOD: Please, who do you think you are? I mean, you can't buy money with money, can you? That would be redundant. Come on, let's keep moving, I gotta go make a special appearance at the "Undercover Brother" movie premiere in an hour.

QUESTION #3: Will you really be mad if I decide to bump off a few stupid people?
- From Sarah

GOD: You know, I get this question a lot. I mean, let's be honest, how many wars have been fought and people been slaughtered just in the name of religion and Me? But then again, isn't there a rule in my book, which I'll be autographing by the way at the Barnes and Noble in Albuquerque next Wednesday, that says, "Thou shall not…something, something." I don't remember it exactly, but basically it says not to kill anybody.

DANNY: You mean, "Thou shall not kill."

GOD: Is that it? Really? Man, that's so short. Right to the point. I couldn't have written that. I'm a real wordy guy. Anyway to answer your question, no. It's not good to bump people off. Because if I had said yes, my lawyers would be hounding me for weeks. Saying I'm setting myself up for a sweet-ass lawsuit. Blah blah blah. Let's keep it moving, Chaco.

QUESTION #4: How do you feel about other deities like Vishnu, Buddha or Zeus? Does their almighty power make you feel less omnipotent?
- From Crazymeg

GOD: To be perfectly honest, we all get along pretty well. Sure, Zeus isn't as busy as he once was but we always knock back a few brewskis every now and then after the daily grind of having to make the sun rise and prevent the entire world from crashing into it. To answer your other question, which technically brings the grand total to "six" but I'm in a giving mood today, I don't know what the hell "omnipotent" means. Moving on…

QUESTION #5: Who do you worship when you go to church on Sunday?
- From Daralynnie

GOD: Well, there is a god that I worship on Sundays when I go to church. But when I say "worship," I really mean "watch" and when I say, "go to church," I really mean "put my feet up in my baracalounger." My god is the NFL. Yeah, yeah, yeah, call me a hypocrite, but how many of you out there watch the big game on Sunday instead of giving it up for Me? At least I admit it, I'm a mad football freak. And during the off-season, I watch Arena Football. It doesn't play on Sunday sometimes, but that's why I've got TiVo.

DANNY: Really, do you have a favorite team?

GOD: Sure, who else? The Saints! Ha, I slay me.