Frequent readers of this column know that we try to do much more than just entertain you with a good laugh. Well, the important thing is that we try.

Anyway, like I said, we try to do more than just entertain you with witty quips about the aristocracy in the 19th century Middle East, constant scrutiny of trade sanctions between the United States and Asia’s gold reserves and Thanksgiving “fart” anecdotes, we try to enlighten as well. We try to help you realize your inner self through personal enlightenment and help you to become the best person that you can be, both mentally and spiritually. And when that doesn’t work, we go back to using “fart” anecdotes.

But now, IFCH is able to fulfill the non flatulent portion of it’s column in ways that were never thought to be possible after securing an “once-in-a-lifetime” in-depth interview with one of the most sought after celebrities of our time – God. That’s right, next week, the Man Himself will be on this very web page to talk to me, your host, and answer questions from you, the reader.

How did IFCH manage to score such a big interview with such a big Guy? Well, actually, it’s not so simple. In fact, it’s very complicated and it would require me to recite approximately 256,000 lines of religious scripture in order to fully explain the process of gaining an interview with the almighty one, which needless to say wouldn’t keep you reading since most Internet users have the attention span of a track star on a double espresso. So let’s just say that God is a big fan of fruit baskets.

Now, here’s where you come in. For the entire week, the staff here at IFCH will be compiling questions to ask the big “G,” which will be supplied by you. That’s right, you have an exclusive opportunity to ask the “man on the top floor” any quandary or query that might be lurking in your ever expanding, ever curious mind.

Unfortunately, we know that a lot of you out there think that you’re future comedy prodigies in the making or are just plain sickos, so we have to rule out some questions early on in the selection process. Here are a few examples of quandaries that will immediately go in the trash.

What does your name spell backwards?

Do you ever shave?

Who’s your daddy?

Do you ever take your son’s name in vain?

A/S/L?

To send a question to ask God, simply send us a message. We will take questions until Thursday June 6 at 7 PM US Central Standard Time. Then jump back here after June 10 to see if one of your prayers will finally be answered.